Finding Our Calm

After 6 years of desperately trying to keep the peace in our home and help our daughter overcome the anxieties and anger that she constantly fights, we are finally getting some answers and much needed help. Ella, our 8 year old was diagnosed in August of 2020 with Generalized Anxiety Disorder and Social Anxiety Disorder and meets many of the criteria for mild Selective Mutism (though that is not part of her official diagnosis right now).

I do not know yet whether I will ever tell anyone about this blog, or if I will just use it as a tool to chronicle this journey. I firmly believe this is Ella's story and not mine to share.

I also recognize that the trials we are encountering as a family and the help we are seeking and (hopefully) finding could also help someone else in this situation. The resources and research for young children's mental health is so despairingly slim. And as a parent, watching your child struggle with relationships, anxiety, anger, and fear, and not being able to help her, or explain to her friends or their parents, or ask advice of anyone in a similar situation is so hard. It's isolating and so lonely. Maybe one day this journey can bring hope to another family - when and if we are ready to share.

Along with her diagnosis, we received pages and pages of recommendations for therapies, specialists, medicine, websites, books, and articles. It is all so overwhelming and I'm still trying to wade through it. Our kind neuropsychologist prioritized the list for us and asked us to focus on three things first:

1. Seek a pediatric psychiatrist asap with the intent of determining what, if any, medication they would recommend. 
2. Begin intensive in-home Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and family therapy.
3. Start the process for any evaluations needed at school to determine whether or not she might need a 504 or IEP.

In the two weeks since her diagnosis we were able to get right in with a highly recommended psychologist for therapy and a wonderful pediatric psychiatrist. Between both therapists and Brandon and I, we made the decision that medication for now was one of the best choices for Ella and what she is dealing with. I have so many more thoughts, fears, and rationales for this that I would like to write out at some point but for now here are the facts.

• We began 5mg of Prozac nightly a week ago - she just took her 8th dose. We thankfully have not seen any side effects (other than her being a little bloated and gassy over that first 2-3 days - but that's also not out of the ordinary for her, so we can't say if it's the meds or not). We also have not seen any significant change in behavior yet, but were told that it could take several weeks to see any effects - if we see any at all with this tiny dosage.

• Ella has also now had two therapy sessions through telehealth (thanks, Covid and 2020!). I absolutely adore our psychologist and wish we could just be mom friends. She is wonderful and is already giving us great feedback and reassurance. She has warned me that she is and will be intentionally pushing buttons with Ella and we're already seeing Ella push back in some not-so-nice ways (the anger and ugly comments that come out when she's extremely stressed). Our therapist has said that she completely expects to see that and that it's OK! (Good gosh, I can't even say how relieving it is to have someone that actually understands what we're going through tell me that!)

• We have also started to gather the right people at our school to help determine Ella's needs and accommodations there. It helps that I am on staff at the school and most of these people have known me and our family for many years. Most of our "experts" have known about our situation and coached us through some of the hard times in the past, so I really feel like I can trust that they are seeing the whole picture. Of course, this is 2020 (said in my best Barbara Walters voice) so all of our past school procedures are changing due to Covid and social distancing and such. It will probably take us a little while to really get that ball rolling.

And that's where we are for now - so much further along the path to getting answers and help than we have ever been, but not to the point that we are seeing a difference yet. We are still in the deep end trying to tread water enough ourselves to keep Ella from sinking. It is a daily battle to find our calm and help Ella find hers. And honestly, it's a battle I feel like I lose more often than I win. But, for the first time since she was two years old, I have hope that our feet are finally on the right path.